12/4/2023 0 Comments Carla perez vas![]() If you need to chat to anyone about it I am here’ and that began our relationship of having someone to ask advice for every step of the way. “I was lucky enough that one of my best friends at work spotted me taking an estrogen pill and said quietly ‘hey, I know what those are and just finished going through it too. What are the best things to say to someone going through IVF? What did you find most comforting and encouraging to hear? They didn't know our diagnosis, they didn't know what things we had tried and were trying, they didn't know the emotional toll of not getting pregnant month after month.” - Christa I also was frustrated by those comments because people who said things like that didn't know anything about our process. I couldn't just turn it off and ‘not worry about it.’ Getting pregnant and becoming a mother was something that was constantly on my mind and consumed every thought and action. Those types of comments completely diminished the pain and uncertainty we were experiencing. ![]() “The most frustrating thing people said was various iterations of "you just have to not worry about it and it will happen.” I even had a family friend tell us to get drunk in a hot tub and that would get me pregnant. Sometimes I wanted to vent but most of the time it was just too much.” - Nicki There is so much uncertainty, hope and disappointment in an IVF cycle it can be hard to rehash the details with everyone. Avoid asking them too much about the process but be open to listen if they want to share. People don’t know your personal situation or diagnosis and that makes you feel like it is your fault and in your control. “Please don’t tell someone they need to ‘relax’ and it will just happen like someone else you know. “Oh the list could go on! ‘It will happen when you stop thinking about it just go on vacation have you thought about a surrogate? adoption? enjoy your marriage and just wait to have kids!’” - Breanna What should people avoid saying to someone going through IVF? IVF is such a long and arduous process so it can be difficult to discuss the specifics of where I was during the process so just knowing they were thinking about me, wherever I was during the journey meant a lot.” - Melissa J. Rather they would send me kind texts and phone call check-ins just to say they are thinking about me. “My friends wouldn't ask me specific questions regarding where I was at in the process. I was such an unexpected surprise and not only let me know they were thinking about us but also added a little beauty to a stressful and uncertain day.” - Christa Also, two of my best friends sent flowers the day of our first transfer. It was a very tangible way for them to show they cared. There were times when I didn't have the capacity to think about what we were going to eat so it took the weight off having to think about that. “The most helpful thing people did for us during the IVF process was sending us meals. Then on the hard days (like follicle retrieval, implantation, etc.) a simple check in-text, coffee, Uber Eats gift card-little gestures go a long way during the process.” - Jenny “Just being there! If your friend or relative is confiding in you that they are going through IVF, they highly trust you so just be sure to check in on them, even if you don't know the ‘right’ thing to say. What gestures from friends and family meant the most to you during the IVF process? We checked in with our networks of inspiring women who have gone through IVF to ask them what gestures mattered, what words stung, and what advice they’d give to those beginning the process. We think it’s time to see each other through the process. What if it doesn’t have to be this way? Can we open the windows, let the light in, and acknowledge what is? There are millions of women and hopeful parents-to-be dealing with PCOS, endometriosis, miscarriage, IUI, IVF, and more on their path to parenthood. This social expectation leads us to feel isolated in a most vulnerable phase of life where extra support and kindness would be like a warm blanket across slumped shoulders. ![]() It has become status quo for all of us to keep conception aspirations, struggles, and even the first trimester of pregnancy to ourselves. No matter what the journey looks like exactly, fertility struggles can be ripe with big emotions.
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